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1.10.2012

My Post-Rapture-Pre-Mayan-End-of-the-World Bucket List

May 21st came and went and indiscriminately left behind Christian and non-Christian alike. And while I don't believe the Rapture to be a future eschatological reality (I believe that Jesus will return; however, I do not believe He will remove the Christians from earth for a period of tribulation, etc.), it hasn't stopped me from developing my Pre-Mayan-End-of-the-World Bucket list. Since this is after the Rapture was supposed to have occured, I feel a little late in the game coming up with this. But, it's before the end of the Mayan calendar of events (December 21st), so at least I'm exhibiting nearly a year's worth of foresight.

Thus, my Post-Rapture-Pre-Mayan-End-of-the-World Bucket List:
1. I want to live in Hawaii. My personality loathes structure and pressure and time constraints. I have Island Life in my bones.
2. I want to visit Australia (I think my wife lives there). I want to successfully hold a platypus (I know they're poisonous.)
3. I'd like to have an exotic pet. Probably not the platypus, but something in the cat or bear family. Maybe if wolverines weren't so temperamental. Instead, I'll settle for a lion/tiger/snow leopard cub or a panda/koala cub.
4. I'd like to go on tour. Not that my music is worthwhile at all. I just think it'd be fun to live in my car and travel the US and make enough money singing the songs I've written from my life experiences.
5. I'd like to win the lottery. I have a deal with God (I'm making this public for accountability's sake) that if I win the lottery (big stuff, not scratch and sniff or whatever they're called) I'll give half the money to Truett (my seminary). Now that is net, because half of it would go to taxes, so then the other half would go to Truett, and while I suppose that would be me playing the humble servant, I still want a cut off the top. So it's post-tax lottery winnings, half of that will go to Truett. And I'll even add a new piece to the deal right now: If I am raptured, I will endow whatever remains in my coffers to Truett since they'll need it.
6. I really do want to skydive. I'm incapacitatingly scared of open heights, but there may be no greater rush.
7. I want to try out for the Orlando Magic.
8. I want to learn Italian.
9. I want to see the Northern Lights.
10. I want a mermaid. (The good kind).
11. If space tourism really happens, I want to do that. Screw Vertigo.
12. I want to befriend someone famous, not for my edification, but so he/she can have a normal friend.
13. I am okay with that person being Scarlett Johansson.
14. Or Olivia Wilde.
15. Or Zooey Deschanel (the person, not the dog)
16. I want to teach the dog, Zooey Deschanel, to be social.
17. I'd like to step foot on Antarctica. Hopefully not falling through in the process.
18. I want to travel-blog. As in, I travel the world, and then I incite envy in all of your hearts by writing about it in juicy detail.
19. I also want to movie/tv show-blog. As in, I spend my day watching pointless crap in the hope of redeeming it through my reviews.
20. I'd like to be elected to something. Anything.
21. I want to write a novel. Fictional, since that's what a novel is, but I want it to basically be an autobiography. So an autobiographical novel. I don't want to embellish it either. Just type up my life for the comedic drama it is and hope you enjoy it as I have or think you should have.
22. I want my family to find happiness. Not the surface level crap either. Deep, passionate, invigorating, convincing, contagious happiness.
23. I would like to perform with any/all of the following:
a. Zooey Deschanel (the person) (you know why)
b. Neil Diamond (he was my favorite, growing up)
c. Eminem (b/c he taught me to rap)
d. Ke$ha (b/c she taught me how to dance)
e. Pitbull (b/c he taught me about amazing stage presence)
f. Jenny & Tyler (b/c they're my friends)
g. Coldplay (b/c of their audience sizes)
h. Dianna Agron (so I could propose to her on the spot)
i. Kari Jobe (so I could propose to her after Dianna Agron shoots me down)
j. Jars of Clay (b/c their's was the first song I learned how to play and sing)
k. David Crowder Band (b/c his was what inspired the first song I ever wrote)
l. Jon Foreman (b/c he inspires me)
m. Joy Williams (b/c I'm a sucker for chicks who can sing)
n. Leeland (b/c they taught me Christian music doesn't have to suck [Sound of Melodies!])
o. the Glee Cast (just for the fun of it)
24. I'd like my novel to be made into a movie with Owen Wilson as my rambunctious, goof-up, younger brother. Even if Jacob isn't really a goof-up. And then Ryan Gosling as my less attractive best friend who inspires me to greater acts of charity and loyalty by his best-friendedness (I'll let my friends fight amongst themselves over who he is). My older brother would be Denzel Washington. Not sure why. I would star as myself. Phillip Seymour Hoffman, Jonah Hill, Adam Levine, and Jason Schwartzman will comprise my closest guy friends. My sister will be played by the older sister on Family Ties. Whatever her name was. Or maybe that one girl on The Facts of Life. Steve Martin would be my dad. Meryl Streep, my mom. A virtuous Mila Kunis and Dianna Agron will be the love interests I have to choose between. We don't know yet who I'll choose. Nico Stai will be the soundtrack. Morgan Freeman, the narrator.
25. I think it'd be neat to sell one painting. Not a charity thing either. Well, I mean it can be for a charitable cause--I just don't want to be the charitable cause.
26. I want to learn to read without getting sleepy.
27. I'd like to teach a graduate level theology/biblical studies class.
28. I want to pastor a congregation. Not in the preachy way, though I'd be doing that. But in the live life alongside each other kind of way.
29. I want to see someone come to know Christ. Not in the free-pass-to-heaven way. In the, they-really-get-it way. That life is about loving each other and loving God through that. That it's not about us at all. Or what we get out of grace. But that Grace finds us and keeps us and accepts us wherever and whatever we are.
30. I want my friends, and myself, to lose focus of our insecurities. To see past them to the accepting beauty of a God who desires us.
31. I want a six-pack. Not for vain reasons or insecurities. Mainly to see if my body is physically capable of it.
32. Speaking of physical incapabilities, I want to eat the Big 96er like John Candy on The Great Outdoors.
33. I want my parents to know my kids.
34. I want to sous chef at a big restaurant for a night.
35. While I'm at it, I want to be a Japanese cook for a night, too. Bad, Chicken.
36. I would like to hit a homerun in Yankee Stadium.
37. I'd like to throw out the first pitch to Game 7 of the World Series.
38. I'd like to be inducted into a Hall of Fame. I don't care of what.
39. I want to whitewater raft a river with hippos. Because they're dangerous, not because they're cute.
40. I'd like to ride a bull for as long as I could. Without cowboy boots.
41. I want to have a twin. Not sure that's really possible. He (or she) would be significantly younger than me now.
42. I want to name a kid Caeden. Cayden. Caden. Caydin. Caedin. I don't care how it's spelled.
43. I also want a Brent Andrew Newberry, Jr. so that there can be a III and IV, mainly in the hopes of seeing a Brent Andrew Newberry, V because everyone stops at the IV. I'm not sure the reasoning behind that, but I imagine the fourth wants his kid to have an identity of his own. Hopefully, my fulfilling this bucket list will make his name worth keeping to the V.


For the Mayans,


Brent Andrew Newberry, I.
January, 2012.