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11.26.2006

Thanksgiving Vacation

Chapter 1: 4am

"Thanks again, bro." I shut the car door as Woodside pulls away. Grabbing my crap, I slowly walk into the airport. My steps are peaceful and deliberate. Prepared and unhurried. It's 10:00 at night, and my flight doesn't leave for another 8 hours.

I know, that's a tad early even taking security checks into account. But I really had no other option. Orlando's about an hour away, and between my 6.20am departure time and needing to be at the airport an hour early to check in, well that put me leaving Merritt Island at the 4:00 hour. In the MORNING. I wasn't about to wake up that early, and I certainly couldn't ask someone else to wake up that early to give me a lift if I wasn't even willing to wake up that early to give myself a lift. So 10:00 the night before it is.

I'm pretty bored. Just sitting around. I watched the Orlando Magic blow tonight. Their lead that is. Up 7 with 5 minutes left, they ended up losing by double digits. Memphis went on a 19-2 run or something. Gross. AND. I had to pay $5 for airport bottled water. Just to keep sitting in the bar-pub-sports grille place. When they were winning, I justified it as "I've got nothing better to do, and it's just $5." Once they lost, I rended my clothes and covered myself in sackcloth and ashes. There may have even been wailing.

I've gotten to talk to some friends though. That's passed time. I've read some. Played Tetris on my cell phone. Sat on the floor by the ONLY OUTLET in all of Orlando International Airport. I thought I'd sleep, but it's 3am and I haven't. I'm supposed to call someone and wake them up at 2am and 4am, but I figured 1 call at 3am is a neat compromise. Ha ha. She just answered. Short conversation. The phone was ringing, and I almost hung up, but she hit the phone thinking it was her alarm I guess. Because there was about 15 seconds of rustling and confusion. Then the groggy, crackled hello. HA HA. Fun times. Gotta love the "what-the-heck-just-happened-it's-the-middle-of-the-night-and-my-phone-just-went-nuts?!" phone calls.

So I just woke up to the sound of intense beeping. Apparently 4am is primetime for construction inside the Orlando International Airport. Real cool. I guess I got mine. I know I wasn't in the deepest sleep of my life, seeing that it only lasted 30 MINUTES and the chairs and armrests I contoured myself over weren't Swedish Tempur-pedics, but you have to see me there. Just cuddled in a mess right in front of your eyes. You saw me when I was awake. I go to sleep and that means you can start working? And why the incessant beeping? Do you have to constantly BACK UP whatever that tall tractor thing is? Ever heard of INSIDE voices? Your friends are standing right next to you. If I can hear you, IN MY SLEEP, I PROMISE they can hear you. Sorry, I guess I woke up on the wrong side of...that CHAIR. Are you kidding me? People are already lining up to check in their bags. For a 6:20 flight. It's 4 AM! We have another hour. To sit. To sleep. To be merry! Uhhh. Here we go...

Gross. I'm standing in line. Zombie-like. This smooth-talking 40 year old is hitting on a college fresman. Who is ugly. That was blunt. But seriously. She's ugly. Did I just say that? I'm standing right behind her, and she's on the ground (which I was jealous of, and contemplated joining in until...) with her shirt rising up her back. And her pants riding down her, um, rump. And sure enough this massive crack has TWO tats. Yes, TWO tattoos. One for each cheek. I think a little puke just came up. I'd say I wouldn't blame the man, for he knows not what I see. But her face isn't such a masterpiece of body art either. And from the looks of it, he doesn't seem to mind. Either he's non-judgemental or desperate. I'm increasingly leaning toward desperate. It's 4 IN THE MORNING. Everyone's judgemental at 4 am. And what is with ALL THIS CHATTER? Isn't it understood you don't talk to strangers? Especially at such an ungodly hour?! It's true. Nothing good happens after 4am.

Oy. It's 4am; he must be lonely.

To Be Continued...

4 comments:

Taylor said...

wow. way to complain! ha just kidding. i probably would have too if i had to be at the airport all night. gross. airports freak me out. you should start being nicer to me so i'll want to hang out with you when i come home again. peaceeeee.

Catherine said...

I've spent lots of nights in airports throughout my summers upon summers of backpacking, and there's lots of fun things to do, if you'd like some ideas. A pack of cards and a challenge to yourself to beat solitaire in under 3 minutes is pretty fun. Or find someone of different ethnicity, which is easy in Orlando, and challenge them to a card game of War, and make it personal by choosing to be your countries of ethnicity. It can get intense. Throw in a prize, like a $5 bottle of airport water, to watch things escalate. It's also fun to pull out your camcorder and interview people, or if you're shy, you can just interview yourself. It's also fun to tape people far away, using zoom-in of course, while narrating what they're doing. You can use an accent like you're on NPR if you want to spice that one up. And it's always a blast to pass time the Dane-Cook way, which consists of walking up to total strangers and staring at them in the eye for a full 10 seconds before saying quietly and quickly, "Don't get on the plane." Then turn and walk away. And don't look back. In my experience, this little nugget works best on middle-aged women between the ages of 40-55. The whole menopause thing increases the freak-out factor. This one is also much more satisfying if you set up your camcorder behind a bush somewhere ahead of time, of course. But as a personal tip, you might not want to try this one if you have a strict requirement to make your particular flight; you may find yourself unnecessarily delayed. Anyway, hope that helps! Just don't want you to go through another awful boring night in such a place so packed with fun.

trace said...

ahhh. a non-political, barely-tangential brent newberry original...the relief...

p.s. do you ever check out the word verification on these things...this one is "hogmm" it made me laugh...

trace said...

um...and one more thing...i may need to change my profile pic since that was like three hairdos ago...prior to my very knowledge of irish-salsa.

and also this one is "gkdgmeyq" whatever that means